“Are You Gay?”

I’d like to dedicate this open-ended article to the close-minded reader.

A question I have gotten asked repeatedly during my middle school years, high-school, and rarely but still an occuring question for me now in college.

The meaning “homosexual” for the word gay has become so prevalent that people hesitate to use the term in its original senses of “merry, lively” and “bright or showy.”

The definition of gay is someone or something bright or happy.

An example of gay is a bouquet of flowers with many brilliant colors.

I think we are all like a bouquet of flowers, honestly. We all have many colors to our personality. Some people just choose to embrace their colors a little bit more brighter than others.

Now granted, over time, our society has placed its own definition over the adjective gay by stating that it is someone who is attracted to the same sex.

The main reason why I am writing this article in the first place is mostly to raise awareness to people. To get people to THINK before they speak. Which, I can be guilty of sometimes, is very common. It’s almost too common, though.

As human beings, I’ve realized, if we can’t understand something – We must define.

We are so stuck on making sure everything is certain and cannot bear the question of uncertainty sometimes.

Growing up in a small town and basically moving from one small town to the next, I’ve noticed even more so how common it is to immediately place judgment on uncertainty.

I am not dogging on anyone who does this, odds are, you probably do not even realize you are. Which, in my opinion, is a problem.

I was raised to my authentic self. I remember being a little dude dancing around my house without having a care in the world. I applaud and thank my parents for letting me express whomever I wanted to be at such a young age and not penalizing me because I may have been acting “different”. I know for a fact, if that were the case, I would be a completely different person than who I am today.

Children are our future. As adults, we need to teach them well. The last thing we need to do is tell them to not be accepting of others.

Those years as a child are so vital and important to our future upbringing and who we become. If someone criticizes you at a young age, it’ll stick with you. You won’t forget it right away. It will stand out and you may be self-conscious of it for years to come.

I remember questioning my identity for years. In middle school and high-school, more than likely, you do not know much about yourself. Whenever everyone around you is so focused on trying to define you and you do not have the confidence to defend yourself, you start believing the labels people put on you.

I went through a few years of therapy and still seemed so stuck. I did not know who I was. But, apparently, everyone else did.

When asked the question, “Are you gay?” as a young little man, I immediately went into a down-ward shame spiral. I thought I am not good enough. I am not fitting in. Something must be wrong with me. I must be gay. THAT’S IT. Ding ding ding.

Never back then did I think the way I do today. Which, is completely normal. When you’re in your early teens – no one knows themselves – and if you say you do, you’re lying. I would never go back to middle school for that specific reason.

Now, what boggles my mind is that, adults still think this way.

If we see someone going against the current, against the “social norm”, some may either ignore – react – praise – and immediately judge because they simply do not understand.

My question is, why do you NEED to understand? You don’t.

Like I said, some people like to embrace their colors more than others.

We are all so different and so similar to one another. That is what is so beautiful about human nature.

Embracing our differences and connecting with others because of those differences – people, this is what makes us who we are.

SO, what exactly did I do to become a self-confident, humble, happy dude I am today? This process definitely doesn’t happen over night. One thing I realized, I was investing my time in all the wrong relationships. I never spent time alone because I was scared of loneliness because that is when the worst, painful thoughts would come to mind. How did I overcome this? A moment that comes to mind is when I would literally practice staring at myself in the mirror. Sometimes, often, I would just trash talk myself. Call myself gay. You name it. Everyone else was. Then, I remember a day where I literally just looked in the mirror and said “You’re awesome.” I stared at all my acne, my jean shorted Hollister wearing self and said just “you’re awesome”. I began practicing saying self-worth things in the mirror daily. I started spending a lot of time journaling every thought, good or bad, that came to mind. I spent so much time alone. I watched videos and television shows that were far too mature for kids my age at the time. I would watch talk shows like Oprah and Ellen and just feel inspired because they were being real and making themselves seen. And that is what I wanted, to make myself seen. For who I am not for what others label me as. I started listening to music I actually wanted to listen to. I connected with spirituality and nature. I found out what I am interested in, not what everyone else is interested in or not what is “popular”. Yada, yada, you get the picture.

As a male, I’ve noticed it is almost considered a weakness to embrace who you truly are. Us men don’t want to be vulnerable and make ourselves seen.

When we see a man who is embracing who he is. A man who is whole-hearted and genuinely happy with the universe and all that is placed around him. That’s DEFINITELY not “normal”.

Who defines this normality? We do.

We create our own reality.

What a disgusting thought it is to picture all of us exactly the same as one another.

Imagine a world where we all embraced eachother’s unique traits.

Well, I’m here to tell you to stop imaging that and get out into this world and go to that.

Do not be ashamed.

I was told a quote at a very young age by the late and great Dr. Suess,

“Why fit it when you were born to stand out?”

And, to tie in with that, “Those who mind don’t matter. Those who matter don’t mind.”

So to answer the question, “Are you gay?”

To the reader who only wanted the answer, I apologize for your inconvenience. Not that it is anyone’s business in the first place or the fact that it wouldn’t matter if I was or wasn’t because I would still be who I am regardless.

My own definition of ME; “A being who cannot be compromised. An individual who considers their flaws their strengths and remains humble to the open possibilities surrounding themselves within theirselves.”

As, what would be considered an ‘older’ definition of gay, I guess you could say I am as gay as they come. I have always had a very happy heart and I look at life unlike most people do. I see each day as a beautiful gift from God himself. I have the love of Christ pouring out of me and I refuse to just keep that bottled up. I cannot even put into words the amount of joy Him alone fills my spirit. I will fully embrace His bright light and continously pour that out onto others. Maybe this might come off controversial to some. Or misunderstood. But, I am not here to sit and get your sympathy or self-respect. I respect myself enough as is.

Which is the beauty in and of itself, I have developed a confidence from these three words more than I ever thought I was capable of.

When asked the question now, “Are you gay?” I respond with, “What makes you think I am?” Unlike in the past where I would immediately freak out and say “NO.”

When they would respond with my question back to them, it goes like this;

“You just always seem so happy”

“You dress with very unique clothes, bright clothes, etc”

“You’re voice is high”

“You don’t play any sports”

None of which have to do with the physical attraction between the same sex.

Do you see what I’m getting at people?

It’s mind-boggling to me that some actually think this way.

Never be fearful of discovering who you are inside and letting that voice be heard. It is truly the most liberating feeling finding yourself in the craziest and most beautiful circumstances.

I encourage you to be your authentic and real self. It’s easier said than done, I know this. It’s a practice. Practice gratitude.

There is the same person staring back at you in the mirror everyday. Make the person staring back someone you know is worthy of love and belonging.

Life is about WHO YOU ARE not WHAT YOU ARE.

God Bless, Always.

A. Begs